Bacon, Boyfriends & Bastards

Did you know that in 2006 Americans ate $2 billion in bacon?  And that Canada is the world’s largest producer of bacon? American and Denmark are tied in second place.  Italians have several different types of bacon.  The UK does too.  There’s a company in the US called Swiss Meats that makes potato salad and sausages with the ends from the bacon trimming.  There are LOTS of ways to smoke, cure and cut bacon and about a million ways to make it.  

These fun, tasty, hungry-making facts come from the book I’m reading Bacon: A Love Story by Heather Lauer, published by HarperCollins.  This book was part of my (now) beloved new cookbook collection.  I kept it on a whim and I love it.  It’s hilarious, full of fun and some interesting, occassionally potentially nauseating facts.    (I also have a history of chocolate by Deborah Cadbury 😀 )  I am loving this book.

It was definitely a good read while I was sitting in the emergency room this morning.

Oh, don’t worry too much.  It’s not life threatening.  And I am home again.

Sort of.

It does bring me to my next two points though.  First we’ll get the bad stuff out of the way.  

The bastard at the hospital.  I saw two docs this morning:  Doc Hunk and Doc Dick.  Doc Hunk was definitely a hottie and he gave a damn.  He poked around and was concerned enough to get me into a gown and I think he was heading towards an x-ray.

Oh, sorry, I can hear “WHY were you there in the first place??”  Well, yesterday I was hanging crystals from Peter’s kitchen window and when I reached out to tie one on I felt a slide, a pop and had a flash of excruciating  pain that made me cry out.  (which, btw, doesn’t make Peter very happy)  It bugged me for the rest of the morning and got increasingly more painful as the day went on.  By early evening I was sitting with a heating pad draped over my shoulder.  It was painful getting to sleep and woke me several times during the night.  

This morning I got breakfast for my son and I, turned and gasped in pain.  It was like everything just seized up around the original spot and someone shot me with a taser (or at least what I’d imagine that would feel like, based on smaller shocks).  When it got to the point where I could barely breathe for a relatively long period of time (30 minutes = a century) I texted Peter to let him know.  I wanted emotional support.  I got much more than that.

So I get into the gown and spend 45 minutes waiting.  Then Doc Dick comes in.  Have to go through the whole spiel again.  He doesn’t poke at me.  He checks range of motion (almost none) then does the nerve damage test.  When that’s all done (and I don’t know why he bothered, I could tell he’d made up his mind already) he informed me that there’s a small muscle between the spine and scapula called the teres minor.  I have apparently pulled or popped it out of place or something and there’s nothing they can do but hand me naproxen and tell me to get a massage or some physiotherapy.  Or both.

Teres Minor

When I explain that I can do neither I get shrugged at and an argument ensues about WHY I can’t do either and how simple it is (isn’t) to work around those issues.  When I do tell him that is, in fact, NOT that simple, I get told “I know it’s not but-”  I cut him off, hurting and furious, and say “So basically I’ve gotten hurt again and there’s nothing anyone can do about it AGAIN.” 

The thing that pisses me off the most about Doc Dick is that the injury is right around a degenerating disc in the  thoracic section of my spine, the disc that moves and crunches all the time, and he SHOULD have x-rayed it.  Wouldn’t have cost either of us anything but time.  (yes, the hospital but not him or me, love socialist medicine sometimes)  An x-ray would have (potentially) ruled out anything wrong with the spine or (potentially) proven him wrong.

I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow, I will be discussing this with him.

Now, boyfriends.

I’ve had bad ones and I’ve had good ones but this is the first time I’ve had a superb one.  😀

World, meet Peter.  Peter, meet world.  

I adore this Man for many reasons.  Not the least of which is for times like today.  When I texted him to tell him that I was having problems breathing it hurt so bad he said “Then I guess we’d better go to the emergency room” and got out of bed to take me.  

We have a *slightly* different sleep schedule.  I go to bed at 9, he goes to bed between 12 & 1.  I get up at 5:30, he gets up when he gets up (usually late morning).  

 So when at 7:30 am he gets up to take care of me, it matters to me.  When he decides that he needs to keep an eye on me for the day and takes me to my favourite place (the cottage, his home), it matters to me. 

I am hugely devoted to him, in love with him more than I can say and today just shows me why, as he tends to over and over again.

And he likes to say “I am definitely keeping you.”  I think it’s because of my lips. 😉


As for Anna and Liam… I’ve been stalled, unable to concentrate but now that I’m being forced to sit my ass down and stay there, perhaps I can move them beyond the bondage and squirrel my way into the squirting.  

Okay okay, even I know those were horrible alliterations.  But the point is there, yes?  

hmm… He turned on the TV.  I don’t have cable.  This might be a distraction.  We’ll see.


15 thoughts on “Bacon, Boyfriends & Bastards

  1. Im sorry your back is fucked up again….. The doc at the ER should have done an x-ray. Your doc tomorrow BETTER have some answers.
    Peter is great and honestly He is growing on me.

    I hear ya about the pain meds though


  2. Sorry you got hurt. I have to be real careful with my back also. And America is full of, not just bacon, but Dr. Dicks. Everywhere. Doctors who don’t look you in the eye, are condescending mother fuckers, and really should be doing research so they don’t have to talk to anyone. And then we Americans get the bill from Dr. Dick and are reminded once again how in a country with so much, we care about our citizens so little. Thats it, rant over, I hope you get to feeling better real soon.


    1. Aww thanks Mike. The fantastic thing about Ontario is that I don’t have to pay to listen to Dick Doctors. They just happen then I go home and bitch until I feel I’ve slandered them enough. (Done without names of course).

      I’m awfully tired of hurting myself then being told I’m already taking all the pain meds I can (and just because the script says “take every 4-6 hours” doesn’t mean I *do*. It also says “as needed”) so they can’t help me. I’m sorry but something is WRONG and it needs fixed.

      Too many degenerating discs in my back to ignore any injury.


        1. I have several chronic pain conditions (my back is actually the least of them) and I take T3s, baclofen, extra strength tylenol and gabapentin. Therefore I take “enough.” I’d say. But there are other options and stronger meds for situations like this. As in “instead of” some of the things I take.

          Hopefully my GP will have better answers tomorrow. (although, TBH, I do call him Doc Quack)


            1. The biggest problem is that I am corn intolerance and what’s the filler in most medications? Corn starch. So we have to find alternatives anyway. There is one option that is an IV treatment of something similar to lidocaine.


            2. We’ll be discussing alternatives tomorrow too. There are morphine patches too but…. I react to morphine. lol I’m a mess and I know it. It’s frustrating for everyone around me sometimes.


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