Suck It Up, Buttercup

Buttercups. Really.

 

Yep, I gotta suck it up.

I’ve been putting off the investment proposal.

I HAVE to do it, it’s the only way possible for me, who lives well below the property line, to get where I need to go.

Never would’ve guessed that about  me, would you?  Everything I own is either something I’ve had for years or a gift.  My apartment, net and phone are all carefully maintained by carefully counting pennies and sacrificing much.  I would not be able to do what I do without the generous help of certain people.  

I’m disabled, I don’t live this way by choice.  I will never be able to work again, as much as I would love to.  I loved working – loved the people, the purpose – and I miss it.

And I’m kind of a proud person.  I loathe asking for something I think I should be able to provide/do for myself.  Fact of the matter is, when it comes to marketing my book I simply cannot do it without help.  

So I have to write this damn thing.  And I will.  Today’s goal is to make decisions.  If I actually end up writing it all, so be it.  

The whole thing boils down to:  “Will you invest $$$ in my talent for a %%% return?  It’d be slow and may never pay out at all, but do you believe in me, and my belief in me, enough to do it?”

Tough question to write, to ask someone.  

The last thing I need to do is figure out who to send it to.  Dad is already investing in me by gifting me with the books.  Don’t know many people with money.  *laughs*

So here I am, working on this.  (Okay, technically, currently writing to you fine folks.)  I have my moments when I wonder why.  Then I have moments where a voice in my head says, “Fuck that. You’ve worked your ass off to get here it’s time you started the ascent to ‘overnight success’.”

Isn’t that little voice confident?

I have confidence in my writing.  I know it’s good. I know people like it.

My questions end up being:

Will they like it enough?

Will I reach enough people?

Will they like it enough?

Can I make a movie of it?

Yeah okay… that last one is a stretch 😉  but the first three, they’re logical.  If a tad repetitive.  

So that leads to the logical question:

If you have confidence in your work, what the hell is your problem with the investment?

See the previous statement:  And I’m kind of a proud person.  I loathe asking for something I think I should be able to provide/do for myself.

It’s a vicious circle.  So now I’m trying to miss that last curve (that last left turn) and get this done.  

Argh!

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2 thoughts on “Suck It Up, Buttercup

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