Overcoming Overwhelming, Paralyzing Fear

So, if you’re a follower of mine on Facebook  you’ll have seen this post this morning: 

And it seems that I can’t post my entire book on Wattpad. -.- All because of one little line in their user guidelines: “Pornography and erotica are not permitted on Wattpad.” I suppose it’s because they can’t control where the minors go but it’s limiting for them. And for people like me.

Also, annoying.

I know there is somewhere else I can share the story. And now that I’ve decided to do this, I intend to. Anyone have any ideas?

It is one little line in their User Guidelines that I missed the first go-round.  Given that you’re readers of mine, you know very well the extent of my erotic content.  This is… aggravating to say the least.  I finally make this decision and I can’t do it?  I do know there’s anot… Oh I know who to ask, my friend Richard Schwartz.  He has just recently created an author page on Amazon.  

I think I’ll look at Createspace too.  It gets the books out there, last I read, and into booksellers for free.  Definitely gets it on Amazon.  Lulu obviously isn’t doing it for me.  

The following is a snippet of the conversation I had with my dad last night:

Dad: ok what is preventing printing the book? you said give aways?

Caity: Ok, so I have 500 copies of the book. People want to buy them, how am I supposed to get them out? I can’t afford it. And to celebrate the release of a book, you give some away

Dad: oh that’s nothin…can do that…thought it was something serious

Um…okay.  I guess we’ll see what that’s about in the next little while.  Dad and I have vastly differing perspectives on money; he has it, I don’t.  


I started reading a book yesterday, given to me by Peter from the small library he has in his car because I forgot my eReader.  It’s called The 50th Law by 50 Cent and Robert Greene.  Robert’s, name is familiar to me, makes me think I’ve read his work before but I don’t believe I have.  

This book struck a chord with me from the Foreword on.  In the foreword Robert said that he met 50 Cent because Fifty had read The 48 Laws of Power and was interested in potentially collaborating on a project.  Robert left their first meeting mulling it over.  Once he had an idea he went back to Fifty and gave him the proposal.  Then he followed Fifty around for close to a year and came to the conclusion that 50 Cent is successful because of one thing:  The man lacks fear.  He is utterly fearless.  50 Cent came from a background and a place where he didn’t expect to live past the age of 25 and since he has, he feels he has nothing to lose (according to Robert’s observations).

The biggest difference between me and 50 Cent?  I literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain and yet I am afraid of losing what might be.  

And you see that?  THAT is a huge breakthrough in my mental health.  I’m afraid of losing what might be.

The thing is, if I don’t grab for the potential future then I never will have a chance at what might be.

Robert’s introduction talks about Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s inaugural address.  FDR came to power during the great depression and one thing he saw is that the entire country was mired in fear.  They harboured more fear than necessary and that fear was a self-fulfilling prophecy. (“We’re afraid the country will never recover so we’re going to sit here and watch.”  And the economy wasn’t getting better.) The country wasn’t going to get better if they didn’t change their attitude and the inaugural speech addressed this.  FDR said:

“So first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror, which paralyzes the needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

Robert says in his book, “What Roosevelt sketched out in his speech is the knife’s edge that separates failure from success in life.  That edge is your attitude, which has the power to help shape your reality.”

This struck me as incredibly profound and it hit me right in the heart of hearts.  It sunk in that wanting is not the same as doing.  Obvious, right?  Not so much.  

Wanting is sitting there talking about what could be. It’s talking about how much better your life would be if you just had This Thing.  How much happier you’d be.  Wanting is essentially whining if you never do anything too try and get This Thing.  If you never do anything about your dreams, your hopes, your wants, if all you do is sit there and talk about it then all it is is whining.  

Doing is getting off your ass and taking steps to get what you want.   Doing is not talking.  Doing is planning.  Doing is reaching.  Doing is achieving.  Doing is courage.

I have, essentially, been whining.  

I have been letting my fear keep me mired in the what is, letting it keep me from reaching for the what might be.  It’s time for me to step out of the muck.  To drag myself out if necessary.  

And one of those steps is to get HW1 out there.  That’s what I wanted wattpad for.  It terrifies me but I did it anyway.  I want need to know that I have a viable product.  And it’s not enough to stick the book in print on some vanity press and say “here, here’s a book.”  Thousands of people do that.  Millions of people read but there’s a LOT to wade through.

I need an editor, a publisher, an agent.  How am I going to get those things?  By thrusting the book into the face of the public.  

I am broke, I live below the edge of poverty but I have people willing to help me IF I HELP MYSELF.


6 thoughts on “Overcoming Overwhelming, Paralyzing Fear

    1. I know. The trick is remembering it. It also means battling my physical limitations and the things they do to me to get this done. I DESERVE to succeed. I’ve worked hard to get to the level of writing I’m at and I think people would enjoy it. I’m not asking for Rowling’s kind of success but I’d like enough to make me independent.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s