Argh!

Yes, ARGH!

It’s the last day of July, AKA the last day of CampNaNo and my total word count ended up being… *drum roll* … 12,083 out of 35,000.   *le sigh* 

I’m frustrated.  I wanted to accomplish something, to finish the story.  I really like Nina’s story.  I think this month was a fail for several reasons:  

  • – summer school (rediscovered that I love learning, by the way)
  • – we were busy besides that
  • – I tried to pick up a story I stopped
  • – ultimately I lost the thread and the inspiration.

This month has been stupidly busy.  I am pleased that I got the Pink story sent.  I am pleased that my daughter’s final grade was 82% (4-, A-, however you want to see it).  I am pleased that my people are so understanding.

I am not pleased that my brain is roving all over the place today.  I haven’t been able to focus on anything.  So I cleaned my kitchen, went for a walk and put on a movie I have seen more than a dozen times.  Still, brain is bouncing all over the place. 

I am going to try to continue reading HW3 now.  I just wanted to share some of my frustration with you.  I need to get the reading done so I have the flow of the story before I continue writing.  

Muah!

 

Oh yeah, wait….  I have a song to share with you.

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Shades of Pink Project

 

breast-cancer-awareness-ribbon

Doug and Mac is finally sent away!  

I named the story I Already Am.  It worked for me because of the ending.   I couldn’t think of a name, I struggled to find one all the way through the writing.   It wasn’t until I was part way through and the last lines popped into my head – yes, they popped in while I was in the middle of the story.  *laughs*

This is how the story ends:

 

Mac let go of her control as he commanded.  Pleasure took her over again and she exploded beneath him.  Doug rode her hard as her internal muscles gripped him tightly then roared out his own pleasure.  He slowed his strokes as the orgasm stopped, coming to a standstill before he pulled out and dropped beside her, pulling her to him. They laid there for a few minutes, panting and twitching randomly, basking in the pleasure.

Then Doug spoke.  “There’s something I need to tell you, Mac.”  He waited as she stilled, the finger that had been tracing the line of hair from belly button to groin stopped moving and even her energy seemed to hold its breath.  “My Alphas have agreed to induct you into the pack.  Anna says you are my Mate and that you should be part of the family.   I agree wholeheartedly.  But…  You have to know that I am half-Demon.  My mother was raped by a Demon and I was the result.  I am all Wolf in my head but I cannot help my genetics.  Any children I have will be a quarter Demon.”

Physically, Mac didn’t move but it felt like her soul pulled away from him.  For a long moment, Doug was afraid that she would throw him out. 

Mac tried to think she could tell him but deep in her core she wept at the idea so she rejected it and accepted Doug as he was.  “I love you, Doug, all of you.”

Doug sagged with relief as Mac spoke.  Her energy enveloped him, wrapped around him tightly and gave him a crazy feeling of safety, the same feeling she had with him.   As her love blanketed him, she snuggled closer.  He wrapped them up in the top sheet and smiled with pleasure.  “Be mine, McKenna Amberson.”

“I already am.”  

My story and all the work I put into it is dedicated to two women; one who will never read it and one I will gladly send it to should she ask.

The first is my ex-husband’s Aunt Joanne.  Dennis has numerous aunts and uncles, coming from a Roman Catholic farm family as he does but Aunt Joanne is by far my favourite.  She’s a sweet, lovely lady.   She was diagnosed with breast cancer last year.  It was aggressive and she had a double mastectomy.  Fortunately, that seems to have resolved the issue, along with some chemo.  

The other is my friend Nancy.  I call her a friend because, despite the fact that we only met on Facebook, I like her, we share similar interests and she’s a strong, strong lady.  She has been battling breast cancer for several years now.  She just finished chemo and was declared clean a few months ago.  Recently, however, she had some tests done that showed it’s back and it’s back hard.  It’s in her lungs and liver.  There are treatments to slow it down but no cure.  Nancy is living on borrowed time but she is one of the strongest, most positive people I know, there for her husband and daughter and still working as hard as she can.   Her faith is still strong.   She is a role model.  

It is because of them that I got involved when I saw KallySten’s blog.

The book, Shades of Pink, will be published in October and will be for sale for a donation to breast cancer research and awareness.  The suggested minimum donation is $5 but I encourage you to give as much as you can when purchasing the book.  (Like how I assume you will be? 😉 )  Every penny goes to BCR.  I will, of course, be promoting the book as it gets closer to being published and once it is out there.  

And now I am off to do some more reading in HW3 so that I can begin writing in it again on Thursday.  Have a great day folks!

Muah!

breast-cancer-awareness-1000 (1)

50 Shades of Green

Good Sunday morning!  

It is the last weekend of July and I am sitting here chilled!  The temps have dropped from somewhere around 100*F to the 60s.    That wouldn’t be bad, perfect temps really, I like it around 70, but there is a fierce southwest wind blowing up a storm in this low pressure system.   The wind feels like it’s blowing from the Arctic rather than the south.  It’s lovely to look at but I did not come prepared to sit outside here.

Today I have a photoblog for you.  Yes, it has been a long time.  I haven’t been taking very many pictures, I simply have been too busy.  Summer school is done and I gave myself a break and decided that CampNaNo is done too.  I am working on the Birdie/Rolf story I started in NaNo 2011.  I hit the 50k with it but never finished the story.  So I am going to do that and I think it will be the second NaNo book to be published under my name. I will tell you all about it in the coming week.  The first NaNo book to be published is coming soon!

I do have a collection of pictures to share though; the small collection I had and yesterday I took my camera out for a little walk around our friend’s house.  I took a bunch of nature shots and some mechanical ones.  Most of them came out so well that all I’ve had to do is a little auto-levels or contrast.  There has been some cropping here and there to cut out the superfluous imagery and point you at what I really wanted you to see.  Overall though, I’m really pleased with the way they came out.  

There were so many that I had to decide what to share and what not to share rather harshly.  I think I still have too many.  *laughs*  Shall we begin?

First, the picture that inspired the title.  It is a closed bud of a mini black eyed susan.  It’s been cropped and auto-contrasted but otherwise is untouched.  After that I am simply going to post the pictures and talk about them beneath the photo.  Enjoy! 

I love the greens and the pattern in the middle of the bud

I love the greens and the pattern in the middle of the bud

Black and yellow on bright luscious yellow.  Look at the delicate pattern on the wings.  I had no idea.

Black and yellow on bright luscious yellow. Look at the delicate pattern on the wings. I had no idea.

 

The contrast on this one is exactly the way the photo came out, I made no adjustments.  It's perfect.

The contrast on this one is exactly the way the photo came out, I made no adjustments. It’s perfect.

This pink daisy is beautiful for the contrasts.  The spiky center and the soft flowing petals.  The petals themselves are full of textures.  It's wonderful.

This pink daisy is beautiful for the contrasts. The spiky center and the soft flowing petals. The petals themselves are full of textures. It’s wonderful.

I'm sure there's a dramatic name for this lily, I'd be disappointed if there's not!  I love the depth of field here, the way the colours draw you in to the stamen.  A gorgeous runway for bees.

I’m sure there’s a dramatic name for this lily, I’d be disappointed if there’s not! I love the depth of field here, the way the colours draw you in to the stamen. A gorgeous runway for bees.

 

I'm lichen this picture.  Yeah, cheesy, I know.  Leaf me alone about it. ;)  Seriously, I like the colours in the lichen against the grey of the bark.  It's lovely.

I’m lichen this picture. Yeah, cheesy, I know. Leaf me alone about it. 😉 Seriously, I like the colours in the lichen against the grey of the bark. It’s lovely.

 

Guess what this is!  Figure it out yet?  No?  It's the reflector in a bike pedal.  I did tweak the brightness and contrast some but not much.

Guess what this is! Figure it out yet? No? It’s the reflector in a bike pedal. I did tweak the brightness and contrast some but not much.

I just like the symmetry of the gear wheels.  It's almost soothing.  And yes, it's in greyscale.  And yes, I'm strange.  If you don't know that by now, you're new. ;)

I just like the symmetry of the gear wheels. It’s almost soothing. And yes, it’s in greyscale. And yes, I’m strange. If you don’t know that by now, you’re new. 😉  Only a couple more to go.

 

 

Val thought this was water.  I put it in greyscale to focus on the texture.  It's the patio table out back.  Neat, eh?

Val thought this was water. I put it in greyscale to focus on the texture. It’s the patio table out back. Neat, eh?

Shame on me for not remembering what this is on.  The Boyfriend bought a new motorcycle.  I know it's a Honda but beyond that, I'm not sure.  He'll have to tell you.  This is an upshot of the back wheel.  Looks like it's something underwater, doesn't it?

Shame on me for not remembering bike model what this is on. The Boyfriend bought a new motorcycle. I know it’s a Honda but beyond that, I’m not sure. He’ll have to tell you. This is an upshot of the back wheel. Looks like it’s something underwater, doesn’t it?

And now for the last one, the weirdest of all the pictures, simply for the fact of what it is.  

Callie & I made popcorn chicken a couple of weeks ago and I liked the texture of the oil as it heated up. I had dropped a tiny piece of chicken into the pan to see if the oil was hot enough and it created this open, smooth as glass spot.  The light bulb from the range hood was incidental but totally made the shot.

Callie & I made popcorn chicken a couple of weeks ago and I liked the texture of the oil as it heated up. I had dropped a tiny piece of chicken into the pan to see if the oil was hot enough and it created this open, smooth as glass spot. The light bulb from the range hood was incidental but totally made the shot.

 

That’s it for me folks!  Time to wake The Boyfriend so I can go to the flea market and pick up some local fruits and veggies.  Have a great day and a lovely week.

Muah!

Aha!  The bike is a 1981 Honda CX500 Custom.

Sunny Days

I don’t have a whole lot to say but I thought I’d touch base.

This month has been super stressful so far.  Part of the reason is my daughter – her summer school, (volunteered for), has been crazy!  A semester’s worth of geography – with a Catholic twist for my Pagan daughter (ie, Pope John Paul II said that the world’s ecological and environmental crises are an insult to God for we are destroying His creation, question for my daughter – explain why this is) – in 21 days.   It’s a topic she hates.  She understands why we have to have a basic understanding of the geography of the world but doesn’t get why she, a chef-to-be, needs to understand why or how volcanoes and mountains were created over the course of some 4+ billion years.  That kind of thinking also tweaks her Evolutionist point of view and makes it more difficult to answer the religious discussion questions.

Why is the Pagan daughter of a Pagan attending Catholic school?  Both kids do.  Their elementary school is the same one their father attended.  She had the option to go to a public high school but chose the Catholic one her brother attends (who is Catholic through and through) because it has the better culinary program and will give her a better start to owning her own restaurant by the time she’s 30.  At 13 my child made this decision and has this drive.  

My son is working, doing construction, and it is a source of some emotional stress that I haven’t seen him but once since the end of school.  He has the same brilliance and drive of my daughter, just in a different direction.

I am also trying to get my writing for CampNaNo in.  And failing, I might add.  I am so far behind I’m not sure I’m going to catch up.  I want to quit but I don’t want to quit.  I’d like to make the attempt to get somewhere near the goal.  So I’m still writing, when I can.

The other source of stress is more personal.  I had a doctor’s appointment this week to talk to him about seeing specialists to satisfy the disability judgement panel.  I am going to two – the Spine Clinic in London and a psychiatrist.  The doctor seems to think the psych doc will diagnose me with PTSD & A & B.  Which makes sense considering I’ve been having flashbacks again.  Had one Tuesday night in fact.  It was brutal.  

So not much writing has been going on.  I have been taking a TON of pictures though.  I discovered that my camera does something called ‘burst shot’, which takes up to 20 pictures in a very short period of time.  I will have some to share when I have some time to look at them.  Meanwhile, you can have this pretty:

The Boyfriend.  Evil, ain't I?

The Boyfriend. Evil, ain’t I?

No seriously, here:

Pretty pretty.  Took it with my phone. Tweaked the contrast some.

Pretty pretty. Took it with my phone. Tweaked the contrast some.

 

Today I am enjoying a couple of hours of doing absolutely nothing for anyone that doesn’t make me happy.  That includes writing, though I will get to it after lunch.  Writing makes me happy so I will.  Just now, I need to de-stress.  So I am sitting on Doris’s back deck under a shade umbrella with some good music and good weather.  

I suggest you do the same.

Muah!

 

Holy Radio Show, Batman!

At FM96!

At FM96!

Look at me there!   We are at Corus Entertainment (The Boyfriend was taking the picture) to see the DJs my favourite morning show.  

Kelly Maher, one of the hosts of FM96’s The Taz Show, said a few weeks ago that she didn’t think Vampires and BDSM mixed.  They were talking about 50 Shades originally beginning as fan fiction for the Twilight series.  I tweeted her and said I could prove her wrong and would give her one of my books to read.

We finally got up there to drop the books off and when they discovered that I had written the book they put me on the air!  It was a hell of a lot of fun and I have a clip of the show for you. They cut off the last minute or so but it doesn’t suffer from it.  I’m going to see if I can embed the clip for you. 

My interview

Nope, it didn’t work to embed the player but you have a link you can listen from.    Online they were saying things like “Local author takes on 50 Shades…”   “Can local author out sex 50 Shades?”  and my favourite:  “Scottish werewolves, and the horny vampires who love them…”

I had a lot of fun!  And it was great publicity.  I didn’t expect to be put on the air, just wanted to give Kelly a book.  I figured it would be talked about some – which is, in part, what I wanted.  I can’t wait to see what she thinks of it.  *chuckles*   

I’ve been so, so busy lately.  I’ve missed a couple of days of writing but I’m hoping to spend most of the rest of the week catching up!  My daughter and I have doctor’s appointments tomorrow so I’m not sure how much writing I’ll get done but we’ll certainly see.

Muah!

Characters in Command

I thought it was hilarious.  ;)

I thought it was hilarious. 😉

I have been negligent again! 

It’s CampNaNo month and I have been busy writing.  I’ve also been to an air show – which was completely awesome, by the way.  I have been on a date or two with my boyfriend and I’ve been helping my daughter with her summer school.  It’s the 7th and there’s been enough ‘stuff’ to fill up half the month already!

I have missed almost 2 full days of writing because Friday ended up being insanely busy, though good, and by the time we got home I was in so much pain I couldn’t see straight.  And yesterday morning I woke up before dawn sweating and ill.  It only lasted 5 or 6 hours but it was enough.  I got almost the day’s word count in but it wasn’t enough.  Today I am playing catch up.

And it is that catching up that lead me to write to you!

When you’re writing, are you the rigid made-an-outline-and-everything-must-follow-that-outline type?  Or are you perhaps the loose-outline-we’ll-see-how-it-goes type?  I used to be a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants writer.  I still am, mostly driven by instinct and inspiration, but I need to do at least a vague outline now to begin and character outlines.  I need to know who I’m writing about now.  What they look like, where they come from.  I need to know what drives them.  

Sometimes those outlines don’t get completed until after the book is done though.

Sometimes those same characters interrupt and change the story.  That happened to me yesterday.  Now I have no real clue what’s going to happen.  

Carwen was supposed to meet with her sister and one brother, Eurwen, the Earth God, God of fertility, home, hearth, etc.  Instead, all four Gods showed up!  And then!  Seren, their mother, showed up too.  I’m sitting here, watching my fingers type these things out going, “What the f*ck!  Hello!  This is MY story.”  I swear, one of them turned to look at me and laughed.  -.-

Yes, I have a vivid imagination.  It’s like a … well, a movie screen isn’t right.  It’s like they’ve built a world inside my head and it pans in and out as the need arises, where the action needs to be.  They’re annoyed I’ve taken the time out to write here.  Bully for them.  

The GOOD thing is that Seren actually may have made a difference in the way Carwen will handle things.  

Frankly, I had no idea Carwen was lacking in self-confidence this much.  She seems so self-assured.

After Kylie ran from the room Carwen straightened her spine and tried to look like she didn’t have a care in the world as she trailed her hand over the nearest object d’art.   “It’s good to see you, Mother.”

“I’m sure it is,” Seren said dryly.  “Explain the presence of my granddaughter to me and why she wasn’t raised here.”  As Carwen struggled to come up with something pithy, Seren chose the chair made for Eurwen, sat down gracefully and drummed her fingers on the arm of the chair.  “Don’t bother telling me anything but the flat truth.  Why do you have a daughter when you are, according to the humans, a virgin?  And why as she reached twenty-four years old without being known by neither your father nor I?”

“Perhaps because you are blind to your children, Mother.”  The words were out before Carwen could stop them and she fought to keep from slapping her hand over her mouth.  At her mother’s raised brow she rushed on.  “Do you not see how different I am from them?  The others may be able to coexist, should they bother to try, but I cannot.  I am made of fire!”  The flames flared up around her.  “If I am not destroying them, they are destroying me.  Rhian is quite capable of drowning me until my flame is out.  Eifion, he can fan the flames until I want to kill him, or he smothers me. I am always destroying everything of Eurwen.”

“What of Cadfael?” 

“What of him?  He’s just never there.  And yet he is everywhere.  There is no getting past him or away from him.”

Seren sighed.  “How does Eifion deal with Cadfael?”

Carwen sat heavily on a footstool and clasped her hands together, arms straight between her knees.  She looked so much like a little girl Seren just wanted to pull her into her lap and stroke her hair, as she had when Carwen was small.  Finally, she spoke.  “He creates a tornado that sweeps away Cadfael’s energy.”

“And why do you think that you cannot do the same?  What makes you think everything you touch must be destroyed by that touch?”   Seren paused as a thought came to mind.  “Is that why you did not raise your daughter here?”

Carwen nodded miserably.  “She is half human.”

“She is mostly you.  Come here.”  Seren waited until Carwen had sunk to her knees at her mother’s side and laid her head in her lap.  “Have you ever seen what fire does to a forest?”

“It destroys it.”

 

 

 

Chapter Fifteen

 

“Does it?”  Seren lifted a hand and gestured at the fireplace.  Immediately the banked fire within roared to life.  It licked over the mantle and around the edges of the fireplace, creating a frame.  Within that frame, Seren showed a large wooded area that had been nearly razed by fire.  Carwen turned her face away.  “Watch!” Seren commanded.

Carwen stared unwillingly at the picture as Seren chose a spot and zoomed in closer and sped it up.  Frame by frame, from beneath the ashes new life sprung up and soon the forest was tall and stronger than ever.  Animals flourished and the ashes faded.  “You see, my girl, your fire does a lot of good.”

“Yes, after it destroys everything.”  Carwen’s voice was bitter.

Seren tugged her daughter’s hair none too gently.  “There is a place for destruction and regrowth.  Think about the bugs that eat the dead.  All they do is destroy but their destruction does great good.”  Seren grinned wickedly.

Carwen was silent for a moment then barked out a surprised laugh.  “Did you just compare me to bugs, Mamma?”

“I did.  Just remember that you are as powerful as your siblings, if not more so.  And, just like them, you can control the level of destruction.   Fire can warm things up; its heat can create wonderful things.”  She patted Carwen’s shoulder.  “Let me up, I must see Cadfael.  What I thought I heard from him is most disturbing.  Go find Eurwen and introduce yourself to your daughter.  It is time.”

Rising as her mother did, Carwen frowned.  “Mamma.”

“Yes, child?”

“There are two prophecies.”

Seren froze inside though she tried to remain serene on the outside.  “Oh?”

“Yes.  Not just the one about justice coming from a human child born to a god.  There’s also one about a child of Air having a great evil in his hands.  It is said that ‘fire shall consume him from the inside out and only fire shall quench his thirst.’”   Carwen smoothed her hand over her hair and tugged on the ends.  “It says that with fire he may commit great evil or be brought to peace.”

“Does it say what this evil is?”  Seren’s voice was ragged.

“No Mamma.  Just that he holds it in his hands.”

Seren stood there for a long moment.  “I believe that child has Ammit.  Be careful.”

“Can’t you help us?”  Carwen hated the pleading note in her voice.  It made her feel like a little girl.

“No, eldest of my loins, I cannot.  You children are responsible for this mess and you must clean it up.  Go to Eurwen and then your daughter.” Seren swept out, barely maintaining a sedate pace.

See, Cadfael suddenly realized that it was The Sceptor behind the theft of Ammit.  And Seren’s brain just sorted out Cadfael’s mutterings.  

But!  Carwen will do as she is told.  I can’t wait to see how that pans out.  I’m just trying to decide if that’s going to happen now or if we’re going to visit with the child of Air.  

Probably now.  There is a mythological beast involved here.  A unicorn named Fury.  He’s fantastic.  I’ll tell you about him later.  

Meanwhile, enjoy a little tune and the rest of your Sunday.  

Oh, just on a side note.  If you are interested in living healthier and you want to gain some insight on how to do that, you should follow my bestie over at Nourishment3.  It’s pronounced ‘nourishment cubed’ and stands for the mind-body-spirit connection.  Val has some fantastic information, you really should check her out.