And it is, despite my pain levels.
I want to talk about the one thing that happens world wide when the Roman calendar changes over to a new year – resolutions.
Why do we insist that “a new year means a new me!”? ” I’m going to quit smoking!” “…eat better!” “…exercise more!” “…read more!” Whatever. Why can’t you make that decision in August? Or April? What makes it so pressing to do starting January first? Do we think that the previous year and all our mistakes are wiped away at 00:01, January 1st?
Believe me, the mistakes of the previous year are still here. The effects of those mistakes, that laziness, those choices are still here.
In this past year I have had a multitude of problems with my hip and my back. My stamina for walking and standing is down to less than 5 minutes without pain. I have trouble standing from sitting or lying down. I have pain twisting to reach for something and bending over. It is making my quality of life next to nil. (And it makes The Boyfriend worry so.)
Oh there is still a LOT to be grateful for, trust me. But not being mobile is worrisome, annoying, frustrating and scary. It’s fear that got me here though. When my back went out at the end of February I got really scared. Scared that doing this or doing that was going to hurt it. So I got lazy. I became afraid to move, to do anything that might tweak it just wrong and land me flat on my back.
And you know what? It happened anyway. Again and again. I get hurt sitting still or just standing there. I can’t tell you how many times this year my back has gone out. It seems like it’d just get better and I’d feel (relatively) safe to move again. And it would go out. For weeks. So I stopped. I stopped doing the things that will help. Stopped moving.
What I need is to strengthen my core. Strengthen my lower back and my hips.
I was given these exercises last spring. They’re tough and painful and yet fairly easy to do. The movements are simple and difficult to cock up. So why didn’t I do them?
*sighs* Simply? I couldn’t be bothered. I was also afraid that I’d get hurt doing them.
And what did that manifest into? Nothing changing. Pain levels staying high. Back going out repeatedly. The Boyfriend in caretaker mindset. My apartment being the same. No options for housing.
None of that works for me. I like The Boyfriend passionate and handsy. I want out of my apartment and into a place that is safer and without stairs (a bungalow, or at least somewhere with a main floor master bedroom). I want my pain levels to be manageable.
So yeah, I’m guilty of looking at the calendar and thinking “You know what? It IS a new year. A clean slate. It’s time to set goals.” And setting goals means making changes. Nothing I want to do is workable with high pain levels (because that means high pain meds). I want to publish two books this year. I want to move. I want to complete HW3 and the Birdie and Rolf story.
I want to go to Scotland to get a feel of the land of my ancestors and see The Other Boyfriend. In order to do that, I have to be able to withstand the travel.
ALL of that is on me. There is nothing so important in my day-to-day life that means I should keep my ass in this chair from sun up to sun down. But there are long term reasons to add my rehab and my elliptical (and resume my beach walks).
There is nothing about permanent degenerate diseases (Fibromyalgia, degenerating hip joint, arthritis in the other joint in that pair, osteoarthritis) that means I should be sitting on my ass. In fact, there is a LOT of research that says movement is the best medicine. Movement within reason. And there is empirical evidence, to me (my experience), that proves movement is the best – if I don’t move, I end up where I am now: sore, unable to keep up, often in tears and taking too many pills. (And celibate for weeks at a time *grumble*)
So here I am, taking responsibility. And telling you that I am going to make weekly check-ins. My goals aren’t about my weight or about inches. They’re about reps and pills and pain levels. I’m going to talk about my reps and my pain levels. I encourage you to go along with me. Be accountable for your own goals – whether it’s weight loss, quitting smoking or, like me, reps. I also want to be able to move up to the Intermediate exercises by March. Seems like a long time but it’s only 6 weeks. (That website wants me to spend $60 to get a year long membership. Snorts)
My most immediate goals are to be able to get to 10 reps on both sides in each exercise. These are my current stats:
So there’s my start. I can’t call it progress because it isn’t. Rehab is supposed to be this 3 times a day but I’m going to call it good at once. I know how much discipline I have and how much tolerance for pain I have.
Weekends are for beach walks. (Or the food & wine show this weekend. hehehe) My goal is to be able to do the private beach again. I cannot do those 42 stairs right now. Not even if I go up them backwards on my ass (which I’ve done). I want to be able to do that by April. Also by April I’d like to be able to add the resistance bands for my upper body.
I am a HUGE believer in like attracts like. That means if I put it out there that I am making positive changes then positive opportunities will arise. Routine in my house has changed in a very small way too – I have fish to feed (which is a huge difference in the appearance of my home too). And already a sign for a 3 bedroom house for rent has popped up. I have serious doubts about being able to afford it but the opportunity is there and I will call.
What are your goals? What are you hoping to manifest this year?