Since I am having trouble focusing today, due to stupidly high pain levels, I am reading a book I can only read little bits of at a time – Wherever You Go There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
On page 48 I found the following paragraph:
“Patience is an ever present alternative to the mind’s endemic restlessness and impatience. Scratch the surface of impatiences and what you will find beneath it, subtly or not so subtly, is anger. It’s the strong energy of not wanting things to be the way they are and blaming someone (often yourself) or something for it.”
It totally rang a bell in me. Most of my impatience is indeed because I’m angry.
Take today for instance. Every Thursday (nearly) I dogsit Girlkid’s dog because The Ex goes to London to spend the night with his girlfriend. Normally, I don’t mind. The dog and I have fun (I’m learning about dog puzzles and dog brains. Interesting stuff) and it gets me out of the house, usually a couple times. We have fun on our walks too. (Most times the second walk ends up being too much for me but I’d rather do that than clean up a mess, ya know?)
Yesterday afternoon I asked Girlkid to ask her father to make other arrangements for the dog. Because she waited well over an hour to deliver the message the best he could do is arrange to have her picked up at noon. Now I catch myself glaring at the clock, impatient and worried.
The Boyfriend is coming to take her for a walk though. Isn’t that awesome? He has to drive around 45 minutes (round trip) just to do that. This is how well I am loved.
It is because I am loved that several options were looked at last night to try to make it easier on me today. My back is locked up so bad I can barely stand, I get three maybe four minutes before the nerve pain gets severe. I’m having trouble sitting for long periods of time and lying down hurts too so I am getting up and moving around regularly. I am looking after myself (though Val would argue that doing the dishes is NOT looking after myself even though I sat down to do them) and I know that walking the dog would make things exponentially worse.
Because I was pissed last night – at myself for not being able to do the things I need to do (and for forgetting yesterday was Wednesday), at my body for making it impossible, at Girlkid for not speaking to her father sooner and, yes, a little at him for not being able to find a way – I am impatient this morning. I am trying NOT to be so every time I catch myself glaring at the clock I take a deep breath and live in the moment.
So it was fortuitous that today’s reading in this book is about patience. It’s a good reminder.
How are you at living in the moment? At resolving unnecessary anger? At resolving justified anger? What is your patience level?
I am going to put the kettle on and enjoy living in the aroma of a good herbal tea. Have a good day my lovelies!