Love, Romance and Sex

This is on the brain today.

A friend is talking about someone she  met – a romantic at heart who, in the last 10 years, has been broken-hearted just one too many times and has sworn off ever loving again.

She is stuck on whether she should help him.  I asked what she meant by “help.”  She said, “i just want him to not give up on love, help him to see that he’s not alone in how he feels, but that it will get better…again.”

I can understand that completely.  It’s hard to see someone hurting so bad without wanting to do something.  Especially someone as loving and nurturing as she is.

Then there was LSAM’s post about the seven sins.  But she also posted links to several articles (the cost of a vagina was hysterical) and it included this one. The tips there about happy couples got me thinking about typical romance book couples and my couples versus real life couples.

It got me thinking about Peter and I and then the couples I write about.

Peter and I aren’t quite ‘real’.  I mean, we’re a true enough couple, we fight, we love, we cook dinner together (well, I cook, he cleans, I love the arrangement *grins*), we do laundry, sleep without sex and go for a week without sex.  Sometimes two. We never go without the touches.  The kisses, the hand holding and the hugging.

But on the other side of it, we’re touchy feely, we kiss a lot, talk a lot, love a lot.  We finish each other’s sentences, say what the other one means, say what the other has just opened their mouth to say.  We love each other unconditionally, leave room for each other to grow, accept one another for everything that person is.   We are the couple most people envy.  (I’ve been told this last part, it’s not an assumption I’d make on my own.)

We work to keep it this way.  We talk when problems arise.  We talk about fantasies.  We talk about dreams and goals.  We talk about what we need.  We talk about our values.

It has taken both of us a lot of heartbreak and stupidity to get here.

And these are the ways and thought processes I try to instill in my characters.  At first it was because that’s the way I wished things were.   I knew that that’s the way things should be.

With Naia and Rian it was mostly all lovey dovey.

They met the night of the twins’ 18th birthday.  There was a masked ball and the twins decided that that was the night they were going to lose their virginity to men.  They set out to find a man and Naia found Rian.  Their first kiss left her flustered and breathless.  Jestin found T’aalia and together the foursome went through that particular hymen breaking journey.  And the girls, who had slept with nearly every female on the grounds at that point, stopped sleeping with anyone else.  Naia and Rian found they were meant to be together.

Anna and Liam met at a conference.  For them it wasn’t a thing where love grows out of contact.  The love was a blinding meeting of souls and hearts.  They knew instantly that they’d found what they had been craving.  Their love deepened and continues to mature and grow.

Both couples work at it.

I try not to make the relationships too unrealistic.  Keep them away from the soap opera type relationship.  But the sex… The sex is glorious.  Sure, there are quickies, like Liam slamming Anna into a boulder as he fucks her, (while they’re supposed to be waiting for others to join them), and there are some seriously romantic gestures, (a bathroom full of candles and flowers) but there is also a lot of kink.

In the end, though, the love my couples share is probably a tad too lofty, a tad too ivory-tower and fairy tale.  And I accept that.  It’s what fiction is supposed to be, isn’t it?  Just a little too far out of our reach?  Something to take our minds off our every day.

I’m lucky in that I have almost a fairy tale love affair with my Peter.  We work our asses off to keep it that way and we have fun doing it.

A personal note:

I know my editing of these blogs isn’t 100% perfect.  I have trouble focusing on the written word sometimes, whether it’s on a page or screen, so I don’t always see everything when I preview.  Thanks for your patience.